The funny things kids say

I was driving my 12 year old son home from school with the poodle in the car and I asked him if he had farted. He told me no and blamed the dog. We wound down the windows and the farting discussion continued along these llines -

Son: You can really tell a Casey fart (one of his friends).
Me: How?
Son: It is just easy to tell, but you have to have a good nose and good eyes to
detect a fart at school.
Me: Why would you need good eyes?
Son: You can see their pants wobble.

I laughed so hard. What is it with boys and fart talk?

Miss 5 just got really exasperated at me ... put her hands on her hips and declared ... "Mum, you're acting like a grown up!"

Um - what can one say?

I was fixated on being environmentally responsible and went to Bunnings to buy the $89 a metre fake lawn. I was talking on the mobile trying to convince my husband that we had to have the better quality fake grass because toddlers would love it because it's much softer. I had three year old grand daughter with me and she looked up and down the aisle to check noone was watching, lifted her tshirt and pressed her bare belly onto the fake grass. She pulled away in disgust and said "Scwatchee Tizzy". Needless to say, we left the fake grass on the shelf.

Matthew: Nanna, why haven't you got a husband?
Me: When you marry someone it's because you make each other happy and want to be together forever, but sometimes it doesn't work out and it's better to divorce and find new partners to be happy with. Grandpa used to be my husband, but we got divorced....
Matthew (butting in): Because you weren't happy together anymore?
Me: Right, and he married Helen, but I haven't found anyone new to be happy with yet.
Matthew: What about Data (Chilean grandfather)
Me: Well, when Data was a young man, when he was still in Chile, he was married but it didn't work out ..........
Matthew (butting in): Because they stopped being happy with each other?
Me: yes, but they were both young and probably made a mistake getting married so young. Anyway, then he married Weli (Chilean grandmother) and they were together for a while. They had a couple of kids - your Dad and Tia (Aunty) Paulina, but then things went bad for them....
Matthew (butting in): And they weren't happy anymore?
Me: Right, and Weli met Mario who she's still with and Data met a lady called Miriam.
Matthew (butting in):But I've never seen him with her.
Me: No, and she's gone back to Chile now.
Matthew: Did they break up too!
Me: Yes
Matthew: Geez, how many more women is Data going to make unhappy!

Ryan loves watermelon but a few months ago (now aged 4) he was arguing with his mother that he couldn't eat the seeds (white seeds in seedless watermelon) 'cos he'd have a baby in his belly and she was arguing that he wouldn't.
He came over to me and with a serious face asked, "Nanna, do babies come out of your belly button?" I looked at his Mum who smirked and looked away, his brother (aged 8) said, "they come out of your vagina" and Ryan ignored him. Ryan again said, "do they Nanna? Do they come out of your belly button?" Again I looked at his Mum who smirked and looked away and again Matthew said they come out of your vagina and again Ryan ignored him, so I ran with the conversation.
Me: No they don't come out your belly button. Matthew was right - they come out of a vagina.
Ryan: Do I have a vagina?
Me: No, boys don't have babies so they have doodles (family pet name for penis) and babies can't come out of doodles can they cos they're too skinny, so only girls have vaginas because they have babies.
Ryan: Where they do wee?
Me: Near there but not right there.
Ryan: (with a scrunched up face) Cos we don't want wee on the baby do we Nanna
Me: That's right
Ryan: And not out of your bum
Me: No, not out of your bum
Ryan (scrunching up his face) Cos we don't want a pooey baby do we Nanna?
Me: No, that's right.
Then he went and ate his watermelon - seeds 'n' all!